Writers: Craig Kyle and Christ Yost
Artist: Clayton Crain
Publisher: Marvel
Price: $2.99
Rating: Oldish Teens

The X-men have seen better days. For the last few years, most of the mutants on the planet are de-powered, dead, or just lame. The latest X-story, Messiah Complex, resulted in some heavy hitters getting the axe, with some just disappearing all together. Mr. Sinister is dead. Professor X got a bullet in the brain. Bishop is a bad guy now. I can't even count all the muties that either betrayed the X-men or ended up dead. With the new book, X-Force, things are going to get worse before they get even more worse. Worser.

Trying to be more of a leader, Cyclops forms X-force to be a pre-emptive strike against mutant threats. Their first target: the Purifiers. X-23, Warpath, Wolfsbane and Wolverine set out to give the axe to these religious fanatics. Wolverine isn't happy about it at all, giving a lecture about morals, responsibility, and other things he has no idea about. And there is a secret to the Purifiers that causes Wolfsbane to put herself right into their crosshairs.

I understand why Marvel is doing this. Since the Civil War, there has been great efforts made to give more power to certain losers. Iron Man is suddenly cool. People give two flips about Luke Cage and Dr. Strange now. Cyclops is getting the same treatment. But, I'm not convinced that this Black-ops X-Force team is the way to go. The X-men have never been outright killers until now. Yes, they have killed. Like, tons of dudes. But, usually it was a last ditch effort. Or, it was by accident. Wolverine has always been the killer, and his killing was only acceptable if he did it outside the team. Cyclops is sending teams out to eliminate threats now, without approval from the rest of the X-men. It will be interesting to see what happens when the truth is revealed.

So, is this comic good? Its ok. It is obvious that the X-men are going down a much darker path. I'm just not solid on how successful that path will be. The X-men have done this before, and it didn't turn out all that great. We'll have to watch and see. The artwork is really, really pretty, with some amazing details and facial expressions. And there is blood, lots of it. So keep that in mind before you let Little Billy buy this one. All in all, interesting moves by the Mutant editorial team. One I'll be watching very closely.

RATING: 4/5

Writer: Larry Hama, R.A. Salvatore, Geno Salvatore and Ryan Schifrin
Art: Adam Archer
Publisher: Devils Due Publishing
Price: $3.50
Rating: Upper Teenish

This book is horrible. Instead of going on and on about how horrible, I decided to pull directly from the trash-bin that it is and show you evidence, first hand.

Page 1: "Ah, yes, my dear Ambassador...we of the superior classes only take what is rightly ours, but the beastly peasants insist on perceiving it as...bloodsucking." And they are vampires! Get it?

Page 3: "It's too late for that, bloodsucker! The time of hiding in shadows is over. The age of man is over." And he's a werewolf! And he's talking to a vampire! And the vampire has wings! Awesome!

Page 8: "We knew the risks when we recruited him. I don't care what his personal demons are. He's the best field agent we've got." He's secret agent! With grey hair on the side and brown hair on top! And he used to be the best, but now he's in charge! Cool!

Page 13: After being bitten by a werewolf, "I just broke starch on this shirt! Now it's personal, fido." Man, this dude is tough and fashionable!

Page 20: "That's no diary, it's a druid's spell book," Some one stole it out of a museum, because all cool and powerful stuff is always in museums, where anyone can get it! Not a cliché at all!

Page 23: "I need a general to lead this army. It is you that I have chosen for this task. Now...what shall I do about your messing head?" Because he is a headless dude from the past, riding on a horse with a sword, AND SHE SAYS THAT IN THE MIDDLE OF A PUMPKIN PATCH!

If you want more, you'll have to buy it. That last bit caused my entire digestive track to explode and spill on to the comic. Amazingly, it made the comic actually better.

RATING: 2/5

Written and Illustrated by: Rob Schrab
Publisher: Image Comics
Price: $3.50
Rating: Getting a learners permit, sweet sixteen party.

Here is a secret. I never got the chance to read Scud: the Disposable Assassin. I heard amazing things about it, but never had the opportunity to pick it up. It probably was around the time I got Final Fantasy VIII, and completely fell off the planet. [Editor's Note: VIII? 8? Eight? Is that seriously what that number is supposed to be?] I want to read them now. I will be looking for the trades, oh yes. This book is that good.

To sum it up, Scuds are Assassins you can buy in vending machines. Once they kill their targets, they blow up. Our Scud realized this, shots his victim's arms and legs off and put them on life support. In order to pay the hospital bills, he sold his talents to the highest bidder. Flash forward to the present, and everything comes full circle, including an insane plot by Angels to blow up the world, using Scud's exploding body as the trigger. How? By making him finally kill his target. All for the love of his life.

Yeah, there are a lot of clichés in this. But there is a difference between writing clichés and using them to your advantage. This comic knows full well that story has been done before. But there are plenty of awesome twists and turns to keep it fresh. This comic is aware of itself and what it is doing, unlike some comics who just barely squeak through the story. The art is simply amazing. It is funny and creative, with clear direction so you know the story. The characters are fleshed out. The back-story is told in interesting ways. I was never confused, bored, concerned, or insulted. Just an all around great comic book.

The only thing that bothers me is that disposable assassins don't exist in real life. That's probably a good thing. I'd be broke, and there would be a lot of dead people laying around.

RATING: 5/5

Story and Pencils: Alan Davis
Inker: Mark Farmer
Colors: J. Brown
Publisher: Marvel
Price: $2.99
Rating: Junior Highschool

You can read comics for decades and have absolutely no idea who Clandestine is. Or are. Cause, like, it's a clan. And the family is named Destine. So, like, Clan Destine. Clandestine! Get it? Anyway, it is basically a family of powerful mutants that live together and try to hide their true powers. Of course, it doesn't work. The youngest of the clan, Rory and Pandora, want to be heroes. They want to fight the good fight. But, if they expose themselves, the Destine Clan will have to deal with all the problems regular mutants have to deal with on a daily basis. And we can't have that, can we?

What's good? The story telling and the art. We get a completely clear picture of all the characters, their abilities, their insights, etc. There is tons of back-story tossed through the comic, but it is easy to navigate through and understand. We get a very concise idea of what the Destine family want, what they don't want, and the people trying to figure out who they are. It is rich, actually. Alan Davis obviously knows these characters. He created them. And he wants to tell the very best story he can. It is going to be really interesting to see where it goes, and how he gets there.

But do we care? That's the biggest question. Do I care about these characters? I hate to say it, but no, I don't. I don't recognize any of them. I'm not sure how their powers work. And I have no clue what their role is in the Marvel Universe. Clandestine raises more questions than it answers. How can all these guys still have their powers, after the events of "M-day"? They aren't like regular mutants. So what are they? And, yes, there is some stupid Secret Society hell bent on destroying the Destine family. Of course there is. Exactly how many stupid Secret Societies are there? Like, a billion? Anyway.

This book is good, but not as good as it could be. We need Clandestine to be networked into the Marvel Universe more, so that we can relate to them. I know that Clandestine have been around for a while. We need to be reminded of how cool they are. With Alan Davis working on this, it is hard to pass it up. His art is amazing, with powerful story-telling to boot. You'll live if you don't buy this. But this could be a hidden gem, ready to shine.

RATING: 4/5

Writer: Sherrilyn Kenyon
Adaption: Robin Gillespie
Artwork: Tommy Ohtsuka
Publisher: Marvel
Price: $2.99
Rating: 6th grade

So, like, this old chick named Sherrilyn Kenyon wrote a bunch of romance and fantasy novels. Like, a ton of them. And one of them is being adapted for the comics. Sword of Darkness! I know! When you woke up this morning, didn't you think that? Like, man, I really wish someone would adapt Sherrilyn Kenyon's Sword of Darkness. And then I hope someone makes Tab popular again. And bring back MC Hammer-Pants. And then bring back those t-shirts that change colors with the temperature. And then re-make Dark Crystal. Well, actually, I wish someone would remake Dark Crystal. But, anyway, here it is. Finally, the comic book version of that classic story. And it sucks.

It involves the following: Magic swords. Bats. Chicks. A pretty blanket. A chosen one. A dragon. Evil. More swords. King Arthur. Merlin. And some castles. But that didn't shock me. I looked in the back and saw the familiar Marvel symbol? What? What is this? MARVEL PUT THIS OUT! I then tried to jump out my window, but I live on the first floor. I fail at everything.

This book is just terrible. It isn't the most terrible book I've read, but it is up there. The writing is clunky. The characters are boring. The art is moronic. It really does look like someone penciled this comic in a half-hour. There is absolutely no love on the page. No effort at all. I've made foot prints in the sand with more character development. Just bad.

Don't buy this comic. I mean, you can if you want to. But there are about six thousand other comics that are way better for the same price. Maybe you ran out of toilet paper, and don't have enough gas to get to the store, but you can make it to Fanboy. Ok, then you can buy this comic. Wait, no, you can just steal some of their toilet paper. Or just use their toilet. Then take the money you saved and buy Annihilation: Conquest. It's published by Marvel, too. But guess what? It doesn't suck.

RATING: 2/5