For a few solid years now, ever since Blade, X-Men and Spider-man came onto the scene, we've been engrossed and bathed by some amazing comic book movies. X-men 2 was amazing. Spider-man 2 is considered by many, many being me, to be one of the best comic movies ever made. We've had some surprise successes, like Batman Begins. We've had some let downs, too. Let's not talk about Superman Returns. But we, as comic fans, should be happy about what we are getting.

That's why I'm in love with, and very afraid of, Iron Man. Storytelling-wise, it is genius. Acting-wise, it is remarkable. The directing is solid, the action is tight. It is everything you could possibly want in a comic book movie blockbuster. That's why I'm nervous.

We'll get to why I'm nervous later. Let's start with the good stuff. Iron Man begins with Tony Stark, played perfectly by Robert Downey Jr, living the life of privilege. Girls want him, the government loves him. He's a genius with all things tech, he's rich, his funny, he's witty and he drinks too much. He is the All-American man right down to his love of fast cars and blondes. Cut to him being attacked by your random group of brown people in a country with more consonants than vowels and he's in a bad place. The terrorists have been using his weapons technology and want him to build them more. He's trapped in a cave. There is shrapnel edging its way into his heart, and the only thing stopping it is an electromagnet stuck in his chest.

Of course, if you read the comic, you know what happens next. He builds the Iron Man armor and busts his way out. The first armor looks impossibly stupid, which is how it is supposed to look. It should be crude, odd and cumbersome. But it is effective and it works. Tony Stark has some change of heart about his weapons. They did almost kill him. He decides to stop making weapons, and he builds the Iron Man armor to help him destroy the weapons already sold to the bad guys.

The good thing about Iron Man is that it completely relies on the actors to push the narrative forward. Seeing the Iron Man suit in action is cool, and sort of awesome. But it isn't as awesome as seeing Spider-man swinging between buildings. At first, I thought the Iron Man parts weren't done right. What I realized was that Robert Downey Jr. and Terrence Howard and Jeff Bridges were acting so well that I didn't want to see anything else. The dialogue in this movie is simply spectacular. The actors use every moment they have to characterize their roles. Their acting is so good that when it fails, like when Gwyneth Paltrow tries to act scared, it shows glaringly.

Don't get me wrong. The Iron Man action scenes are good, but they are few. There isn't enough action. Director John Favreau wisely spent more time with the acting and less with the action. I could have easily enjoyed thirty more minutes of action scenes, watching the Mark III armor go through its passes. The armor is handled perfectly, however. It is as believable as it could be, and you feel like this could really work. Watching Tony Stark build the armor, put it on and off, that really kept my attention.

The plot stuck straight to the comics. Rhodes hinting that he might wear the War Machine armor, the Potts/Stark love mess, Stark's drinking, SHIELD's interest, The Iron Monger suit, it all worked just like you felt it should work. No Iron Man fan should be upset about this movie. It is almost a perfect translation that still makes it feel like a modern day story.

What bugs me about Iron Man is this idea lurking in the back of the movie's mind. The buzz on the internet is that Iron Man is the gateway movie to the Avengers. I've been trying to do the math in my head, and I can't think of any way possible that an Avengers movie could work. I just don't see it. The Fantastic Four movies are the only thing close to that, and those movies aren't exactly perfect. How could someone make all those characters interesting and still have an action packed story with a plot that makes half sense? I'm not sure. Hang back after the credits of Iron Man and you'll get a taste of what Marvel is thinking about for the big screen. It makes me excited and worried. Is Iron Man the beginning of the end for good comic movies? I'm not sure, but Iron Man has my vote for comic book movie of the year. Until Dark Knight hits, anyway...

Writers: Grant Morrison and Geoff Johns
Artists: A lot.
Publisher: DC Comics
Price: Fifty cent.
Rating: Freshman in High School

So, it is finally happening. Years of build up. Years of teasing us, and we are finally getting Final Crisis. It's about damn time. The cool thing about Final Crisis is that maybe, just maybe, it will be good. From all the hints I've been reading and gathering, Final Crisis will be about the Bad Guys finally taking over the world. What bad guys? Well, I think you can figure it out. DC is handling this differently than any other crisis story, but the results will be the same. Or will they?

First, the book. It starts out with the Universe telling us its story. What happened before, and what happened since. Slowly, as the book progresses, the Universe becomes more of a person, talking about individuals. We get short clips of our favorite DC heroes. Batman talking to the Joker. Superman in the Future. Wonder Woman in the Present. The Lanterns dealing with a mysterious alien. A burning dude falls from the sky, and we get the sound of lightening, heralding the return of a long lost hero.

The way it is laid out, all the DC characters are going to be dealing with the Final Crisis in little bitty chucks. The Green Lanterns get the Blackest Night. Batman gets R.I.P. Wonder Woman gets a nose job (That was bad, I know). A super-villain society is forming and Superman-Prime is returning. What I'm confused about is how DC Editorial is going to smash all this stuff together and have it end and make sense. You want to know what I think? I think they won't.

Here is my theory. The super-big crossover stories, in the past, started then ended. There were things that happened after the story, as a result. But the status quo was always returned to. For example, The Superman story Our Worlds At War, had all kinds of explosions and some death and some crazy invasion stuff. But, in the end, only a few characters we've never heard of died. Even Wonder Woman's mother bit it and then came back. Nothing changed but Superman's logo, and that was for only a few months. I think DC understands that, in order to sell books, you have to have an event CONSTANTLY. There will always be something to look forward to or build on in the DC Universe. From Identity Crisis to Infinite Crisis to Countdown to 52 to Final Crisis, all this stupid Crisis stuff have strung together, one book after another. Even the Sinestro Corps story ended and then started again with the upcoming Blackest Night. There will be no end to these crossovers. DC has created the unthinkable: The Constant, Unending Mega Event. Always have something coming up, and readers will constantly read the books.

It helps that the books are actually good. DC Universe 0 is the perfect lead in book. It gives all the information you need, without confusing you. There are hints in the directions they are going, without giving too much away. Really good stuff. What I'm hoping out of Final Crisis is for Superman to return to form, and the Justice League to be a book I want to read again. Grant Morrison returning to the JLA, maybe? Yes. Yes! A thousand times, Yes!

Writer: Steve Moore
Artist: Admira Wijaya
Publisher: Radical Comics
Price: $1 (really?)
Rating: Senior in High School

Well, I complained about comics being too expensive and, look, two books on the cheap. It's a good thing Hercules: The Thracian Wars is cheap, because it's horrible. Just not good. Oh, don't you worry. I'm going to explain why. And this review is going to be super-short because I hate it so much.

First, a breakdown. Two of Hercules' dudes go to this king and tell him that Hercules is coming to help them out. Then Hercules shows up, gets mad 'cause cats disrespect his threads, and him and his peeps kill the king and all his peeps. But there is a twist! That wasn't the king! The real king and his real soldiers show up and they look pissed! Fade to black and lead in to book #2!

I left some stuff out. Like, I left out the part were Hercules' story is retold in a flashback. And I left all the women jokes, and some other boring stuff about how cool it is to wear a lion's skin on your head. I honestly fell asleep.

I don't care about any of the characters in this book. The fake-king dude is a jerk and so is Hercules. I'm not twelve years old anymore. I need more than blood, guts, and people yelling at each other to care about a book. Character development. Character development! CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT! How hard is that? The pictures are pretty, so that's something. I guess. Radical, my black ass. [That second paragraph really calls the blackness of your ass into question, Jarvis. I'm just saying, is all. -Ed.]

As part of my efforts to help out the cats at Fanboy comics, I wrote an article for the Star-News about Free Comic Day (It should run this week!). My idea for the column was to have people that never read comics, you know, read some comics. That's why Free Comics Day got started; to introduce comic books to an audience that have never read them before.

When I spoke to some of the people who read the comics, I recognized that comics could be a bit unapproachable at times. We love comics because of their complexities, because of how intricate they are, how amazingly powerful the story can be. But, are we exposing these new-comers to the proper comic books? For example, All-Star Superman #1 (Grant Morrison, Frank Quitely) is a critically acclaimed comic written by a master of his field, with art by one of the geniuses of the industry. The story is epic, the outcome is interesting. The characterization is stunning with story-telling that is truly refreshing and wonderful. However, if you never read a comic book before in your life, you would think this was the most absurd thing you've ever seen. Superman is flying into the Sun? To save people who were sent there to steal fire? And a guy in the space ship says this?

"See, I just remembered something. I'm a genetically modified suicide bomb in human form. Death. Courtesy of Lex Luthor!"

Huh? The only thing that most people know about suicide bombers is that they are used overseas in the Middle East to kill people. How do you genetically modify anything? Grant Morrison's dialogue is hard for an avid comic reader to understand, and his concepts aren't the easiest to grasp. How is this going to make a new-comer buy a comic book? The main story of All-Star Superman is that Superman is going to die. That is compelling. That will pull in readers. But, All-Star Superman is based in an alternate reality. So, chances are a new fan of Superman will be lost when they try to follow the rest of the story. It doesn't help that this comic is a reprint from months back.

Marvel Adventures (Jeff Parker, Paul Tobin, Alvin Lee) goes the exact opposite direction. Iron-man, The Hulk, and Spider-man face off against the Mandarin. It is a very easy story to follow that doesn't make the brain flex any muscles at all. The good part of this is that new readers can flip through the comic easily, have a few laughs, no problem. But there is nothing deep or interesting about this story what so ever. At all. It's made for kids, ten and under maybe. We don't get any of the complex and convoluted history of Peter Parker, Bruce Banner or Tony Stark. The only reason they are in the comic is because they have movie recognition. It has nothing to do with the current Marvel universe. Marvel Adventures has the opportunity to introduce readers to the drama and characterization that made these characters perfect for the big screen, but it only focuses on corny jokes and outdated scenarios.

X-men (Mike Carey, Greg Land) might be the perfect middle ground. The story is about Pixie, her being removed from the X-men, and being brought back in after a battle with some nasty aliens. People understand the X-men element fairly well. Besides that, the comic is an actual story, entertaining and involving. Mike Carey dodged almost all the main story of what has happened to the X-men recently, and focused just on Pixie, her powers, her fears, her doubts, and her acceptance back into the fold. This is perfect because this story is right in the middle of the X-men continuity. A reader can love this comic, go into the shop and buy more X-men comics without being confused. This comic would probably make them want to read more X-men books, just because of all the unanswered questions. Even as good as this book is, only older fans of the X-men that left the book would probably pick this up. The X-men history can be a bit daunting, especially for green comic readers.

There is no easy answer for how to pull a new reader into comics. Free Comic Day is probably the best way, actually. But, hardcore comic fans should realize how amazingly difficult it can be for new readers to get into this market. I became a comic fan completely by accident. If anything, retailers might want to ask a few questions to walk-ins on Free Comic Days, to judge what the reader might be into. A new comic reader is a good thing, for fans and the industry alike.

Writer: David Michelinie
Penciler: Ron Lim
Inker: Bob Layton
Publisher: Marvel Comics
Rating: Fifth Gradish
Price: $2.99

It is understandable that Marvel is pumping up the Iron Man hype with the movie mess coming full speed ahead. It seems a bit unusual, however. We are use to the X-men and Spider-man getting an amazing amount of love. But Iron Man has always seemed sort of boring to a lot of us. Let's be honest. The only reason we even think Iron Man is interesting is because Marvel has done some amazing things to his character. The armor that he wears isn't important anymore. It is who he is. He's the head of SHIELD. He is the leader of the Avengers. He is a jerk and he killed Captain America! So it is cool that Marvel is giving us some great Iron Man one shots. Some of them, however, aren't so great.

Why would Iron Man hang out with Dr. Doom? It is like the Black Panther fighting Wrecking Ball from the Wrecking Crew. Black Panther is black. Wrecking Ball is black. Iron Man has armor. Dr. Doom has armor. There the similarities stop. Yeah, yeah. I know all about the story where they go back in time. So what? Just because one story with them was good doesn't mean anything to me. Yes, the Mighty Avengers story with Doom was awesome. This one shot isn't. Doom tells Iron Man do work for him, to go somewhere with him, and Iron Man does, without questioning anything about it. It makes no sense to me. Iron Man just follows along as if everything was normal. He is far too trusting of Doom, and that alone makes the book annoying.

Is this comic worth picking up? No, not really. It has Mephisto in it, for God's sake. Has any comic in the last 100 years been any good with Mephisto? Not everything that glitters is gold, fan boys. I know the movie is going to rock socks, and the regular series is great, but there isn't anything special about this mini-series, so don't feel bad about passing it up.

Writer: Keith Giffen
Artists: Lee Garbett and Trevor Scott
Colorist: Ramov Mayor
Publisher: DC/Wildstorm. Duh.
Rating: Mid-Teen angst
Price: $2.99

Something strange is happening to the Wildstorm Universe. There are some incursions. A tower has suddenly appeared that looks like a giant "T". There is a big island in the Atlantic. A space ship has landed in Russia. With Stormwatch and the Authority dancing around trying to figure out what is going on, these aliens are doing their best to fix what has been broken. Why does the DC universe care about the Wildstorm Universe? And will it destroy both in the process?

I've been noticing for some time that something crazy is going on with Wildstorm. Hints have been dropped that changes are in the works. But what is going to happen? And how? Two universes battling it out isn't anything new, but I really like the way this book is being handled. They are treating it like the DC universe is trying to over take the Wildstorm universe, on purpose. All the DC characters act like they know exactly what they are doing, and how they are going to do it. It's almost creepy. At the end, Superman stands over a young boy and says, Never again. Never again what? These aren't the modern DC guys either. These dudes are fresh from the Seventies. The Legion of Super-heroes is a very unexpected bonus.

I would love it if the Wildstorm was really going through some real changes. I'm not sure what they can do, but the Wildstorm characters are rich and interesting enough to do some real work with them. Using Warren Ellis and Mike Carey's work as a model, maybe this mini-series can up the interest level among fans. Let's not get our hopes up. We've seen great things turn to garbage before. But, for now, this mini-series is off to a great start.

Writers: Mike Carey, Craig Kyle, Chris Yost, Skottie Young, Matt Fraction
Artist: Jamie McKelvie, David LaFuente, Skottie Young, Sana Takeda, Brandon Peterson
Publisher: Marvel
Rating: Freshman in High School
Price: $3.99

Are you sick of the X-men? I am sometimes. They have all these fancy powers and can do all this stuff, and yet they still complain about their lives being SO tough, and they have all these problems. What I like about the "Divided We Stand" story line is that we finally get to see the X-men in a completely different light. These guys have a right to be angry now. Cannonball is going through Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. Nightcrawler is all preachy all of a sudden. The New X-men that are left are completely lost, with a home but without guidance. And then there is Magneto, ready to pick up all the pieces.

The events of last year have hit the X-men extremely hard, especially the young ones. I'm glad the writers are looking at this, as they should be. If you put a bunch of kids in a war situation, when they have to fight the devil, they aren't going to come out of it normal. So many of them died. And they saw and did so many horrible things. It is realistic that they would be worse because of it. When you look at it like that, as if they were kids in a bad place, then disbanding the X-men and starting all over makes wonderful sense. I like the way Cyclops leads the X-men, somewhat, and I'm curious about the future. This book is great. The writing is good and the art is phenomenal.

The price? Not so much. This comic costs four dollars. That is insane, and not worth it. There is a reason why I post the prices on this information above the reviews. I want readers to start thinking about how much these books cost, and whether it is worth the money. I know, comics have always been pricey. But, really, Marvel can afford to sell a book for less money, and still make a profit. I doubt, very seriously, that Marvel is hurting for dough. The X-men books sell wonderfully, and fans never question picking them up. I think we should start to question it, a little. This book is great, but not worth the money, and that's the first time I've ever thought that.

[Editor's Note: The book probably costs $3.99 because there are 38 pages of story, compared to a standard page count of 22 in an average $2.99 comic book. So instead of paying 13.5 cents per story page, you're paying 10.5 cents per story page, which makes this book a better deal than the two other books Jarvis reviewed this week. That's okay, though, because Jarvis is an English major so I can't expect him to work out the math.  This review is still better than CBR's, though.]

Story and art: Yoshinori Natsume
Publisher: DC Comics
Rating: Junior in High school
Price: $2.99

Is Batman really Bruce Wayne? Or is Bruce Wayne really Batman? I think this question has been exhausted, hasn't it? But I guess the Japanese don't mind going back to old questions. And, I don't mind, either. Batman: Death Mask is a Dark Knight tale showing Batman doing some typical things. What isn't typical is that there is a Bat-Spirit following him. This Bat-Spirit thing is cutting dude's faces off. This remains me of the movie Face/Off with John Travolta and Nick Cage. That movie sucked. This book doesn't.

Two things make this book risky for a commercial sale. One, it is black and white. Comic fanboys love color. But the Japanese have mastered the fine art of a black and white book. It reminds me heavily of the masterful Blade of the Immortal comic. Not as detailed, but still amazing. Black and white is hard to do and do well, and this comic does it. Two, this comic follows the Japanese golden rule of "right to left" as opposed to the American way of "left to right". Once you get use to it, the comic reads fine. It doesn't do anything super-special, and it isn't a superior way to read. It's just neato. I'm surprised that DC decided to publish a book like this. It isn't commercial like the other Bat-books. I suppose they are opening up their sensibilities, sense Marvel doesn't mind doing things risky. It is appreciated.

There are big boobies on the women, and people are getting their faces cut off. So a kid might want to stay away from this. Plus, it is talking about identity, being a bad-ass and all that. But, die hard Batman fans will love this book. I'm not sure about the random comic reader however. Like I said before, this story has been told before. Over. And over. But what hasn't?

Writer: Scott Beatty
Pencils: Chris Sprouse
Inks: Karl Story
Colors: Jonny Rench
Publisher: Wildstorm/DC Comics
Rating: Highschool
Price: $2.99

I love the Wildstorm Universe. I'm sure I've talked about it before. It is rich, with a pretty cool history and things worth remembering and revisiting. It's been around so long now that the stories are starting to wrap around each other, making for some cool continuity issues. But, there is one huge problem with this. And, like every comic universe with continuity, sometimes you have to wipe the slate clean and start all over.

Number of the Beast starts off strange, with a clean up crew pouring the remains of John Cumberland into a toilet. Then we get a random team doing silly team things, which is boring. But, at the end of the comic citizens start disappearing. Sort like Crisis, but without a big dude with a weird helmet and bad teeth. There are signs everywhere that this might be the end of the world for the Wildstorm Universe. It might be about time.

My biggest problem with the Wildstorm books is that the main people that started it are all gone. The spirit of the books is history. Most of these comics and the stuff they are talking about were spearhead by Warren Ellis, and Warren Ellis hasn't touched a Wildstorm comic in years. All the cool ideas he had for Planetary and the Authority are all gone now. He doesn't even want to finish Planetary anymore. The Wildstorm Universe just feels fake and generic now, with little hope of reviving any real interest in readers. I think a "scorch the earth" approach to it is not only needed, but justified. I'm actually really curious what they plan on doing with the Wildstorm books, or if they are going to do anything at all. But, judging from this issue, something needs to be done, because these books are running on vipers at this point.

Writer: Judd Winick
Pencils: Ian Churchill
Inks: Norm Rapmund
Publisher: DC Comics
Rating: Junior High
Price: $3.50

I'm going to jump straight into this, because I don't see the point of dancing around. This book is sorry. Please don't buy it. It would be like feeding a dog that just got hit by a transfer truck. There's no point.

Why is this book bad? Let's start with the story. Some strange and powerful being tries to kill all and anyone that has ever been a Titan. Wow. Really. Just like the Titans/JLA crossover, when Cyborg returned and tried to kidnap ANYONE THAT HAS EVER BEEN A TITAN. All the titans are attacked by these crazy monsters. They have to fight them. Some of them even die. But, you know, who cares, because there are a billion Titans and they didn't matter twenty years ago and they don't matter now. How about the characterization? Oh, wait. Let's stop there because there hardly isn't any characterization. These are the same characters that have been doing the same crap for decades. Donna Troy is alive? Wow. Raise your hands if you think she'll end up dead by the end of this stupid series.

The art? Let's not talk about the art. Because it is horrible. The angles are bad, the faces are bad, the positioning is bad. Everything is bad. Ian Churchill might be the first comic artist I've seen that is getting worse over time. I'm not compelled or interested by anything he is penciling. It could be the inking. Or, and most likely, there is no effort being made on his part.

I'm just really, really tired of the Titans, or the Teen Titans, or whatever, being remade and redone almost every few years. There is a reason why this book isn't working. The original Titans book was suppose to be the answer to Marvel's X-men in the 70s. That direction and genius has been lost for a while now. All we have left are some random heroes with loose connections dealing with threats that only pertain to them. I'm just not interested. And, the worst of it is that I like Judd Winick, usually. I loved what he did with Green Lantern. This Titans book is just rehashed mess I've seen before. And for $3.50, don't waste your money. Wait, maybe I'm being a little too harsh. Nah.

Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Pencils: Leinil Yu
Inker: Mark Morales
Publisher: Marvel Comics
Price: $3.99
Rating: Junior High

Anyone can be a Skrull. And they have taken over. Something. We don't know what they've taken over, but they are everywhere. All over the damn planet. And they are doing stuff. A lot of stuff. And it is bad.

This has been building for a while now, and it is finally coming to light. We've been reading all of Brian Michael Bendis' work, and he's been planting seeds in his comics, the Mighty and New Avengers especially. Think about all the crap that has happened in the Marvel Universe. Captain America is dead. The Civil War. The Annihilation War. So much bull. And now, we finally get a few answers. But, who can we trust?

The introduction of the series does what it needs to do. It destroys everything. A Skrull infects the entire Stark-Tech framework with a virus, crippling Iron Man and the entire Shield infrastructure. The Baxter Building is ripped apart. The Sword space-station is destroyed, with an entire Skrull Armada heading towards Earth. And a Skrull spaceship lands, with all our favorite heroes pilling out of it, asking who all our favorite heroes think they are.

As an event, this is a pretty cool one. Bendis can do whatever he wants, really. Anybody can be a Skrull. And, if people start thinking someone is a Skrull, but aren't sure, he can just change his mind before it hits print. It finally makes Skrulls a real threat, and it will have fanboys talking for months. Was Captain America a Skrull? Is Nick Fury a Skrull? Is Wolverine a Skrull? Who do you trust?

At the end of the day, it might make more problems than it solves. Marvel loves rebuilding continuity, and I've got a sneaking suspicion that the Marvel Universe is going to be even more confusing and convoluted. It is a great idea, but I hope it makes sense, and I hope that the Universe will be drastically different than it is now. We've got bets going at Fanboy. Wolverine is a Skrull. I know it. Get ready to buy me breakfast, Mac.

Writer: Marc Guggenheim
Pencils: Yanick Paquette
Inker: Ray Snyder
Publisher: Marvel Comics
Price: $2.99
Rating: 8th Grade

I'm sort of sick of the X-men.

Oh, no, here we go. But I can't help it. I'm not impressed or interested in what the X-men books are doing. I did, and I sort of still kind of do. But this Young X-men book is problematic and boring on a level that is unacceptable. It is a cookie-cutter silly mess that you shouldn't bother reading.

The book starts with the Young X-men fighting Pierce, an old school X-men villain. Someone is killed in the scene, but we don't get to know who. Then we get a flashback to how the Young X-men are formed. How were they formed? Cyclops travels around the world and handpicks them for the new team. Some of them we know. Some of them we don't. He collects them and points them to a target? The target? Cannonball and the original New Mutants. Tag it and bag it.

Seriously, this book is not innovative, interesting or even needed. The New X-men book was way, way better than this. It was compelling and powerful, with true character growth and mutants that you really wanted to get to know. Yeah, they died a lot, and that was a real problem. But the New X-men fit into the grand scheme of what the X-men books were doing at the time. Now, after the Messiah Complex, it just feels like the X-men books have completely fallen apart.

The idea of sending children into a combat situation has always been a problem for me. Having these young guys train, and then accidentally get into trouble is better than Cyclops just sending them off to attack people. The entire concept of this new book is stale and flawed, and there are a lot more books out there that you should spend your dough on.

Writer: Warren Ellis
Art: Facundo Percio
Publisher: Avatar Press
Rating: Senior Year of High School
Price: $3.99

The Avatar line loves some Warren Ellis. He's writing a lot of books for them. Some of them are good (Black Summer) and some of them aren't good (Doktor Sleepless). For the most part, Warren Ellis is a good dude, who has made the comic book world better than how he found it. So, is Anna Mercury any good? Well...

Anna Mercury is a spy for some dudes. The government is bad. They do bad stuff. They shot a big gun at a bridge and it blew up. Now she is on a mission to stop the gun and destroy it before it fires it again. And the people she is working for? They might actually be the bad guys, and she doesn't know! And she wears black leather and shoots guns and hits people with a metal stick and says sexy, cool stuff. Just like almost every Warren Ellis book I've read before.

The thing is, I don't feel like he has all these stories as fleshed out as they could be. Black Summer feels good, feels like he has a lot of places to run with it. But not the rest of the books he's working on. I miss the time he worked on Transmetropolitan and the Authority. I miss what he did with Planetary. Those series of books were involved, powerful monsters that you could spend days diving into. I still re-read Planetary and see things in it I didn't see before.

Check this book out, but don't be surprised if it doesn't make a whole heaping mass of sense. Heaping mass? Yeah, it's time for me to get on out of here.

"Secret Origin, Part 1"
Writer: Geoff Johns
Pencils: Ivan Reis
Inks: Oclair Albert
Colors: Ranov Mayor
Publisher: DC Comics
Rating: Junior High

It is funny to me how the Sinestro-Corps story line outshined and out-did Countdown and Infinite Crisis and all the other mess that DC has been amping up for two years. Well, I mean, it isn't really funny. Do we even care about Final Crisis anymore? Is it even going to happen? Anyway, the Green Lantern books have been pulling their own weight, creating a story line and plot that is deep, interesting and riveting. Green Lantern: Secret Origin seems to be an add on of sorts, a way to answer some of the questions that the Sinestro Corps story started. Specifically, we get the story of a young Hal Jordan. We see how his father died, we start to understand the fractured relationship between him and his brothers. We also start to see why the "Fear" motive worked best on Hal, how the weakness of the green lantern ring was able to take hold of him. At the end of the book, we see Abin Sur, Hal Jordan's predecessor. What did Abin Sur know of the Lantern Prophecies? What did he know about The Blackest Night?

The art of the book is truly what impresses me. Ivan Reis is just a joy to look at on the page. His splashes and layouts are wonderful. He's grown a lot since his early work, and it really shows. He is quickly and routinely becoming one of my favorite artists.

If I have to complain about anything, it's that we've seen this story before. Hal Jordan's origin story seems to get retold every few months or so. Is it because it is so amazingly complicated? I do get the sense that DC is finally trying to sort it all out so it makes sense. But, I don't feel sorry for them. They screwed up his story line in the first place. Lesson learned. Gimmicks and stupid deaths don't make for good comics. Strong stories with great artists make great comics. Hopefully, this is a lesson that Marvel and DC won't forget anytime soon.

Writer: Mike Costa
Artist: Fiona Staples
Publisher: Wildstorm/DC Comics
Rating: Junior high

It's funny that the Wildstorm Universe has been around long enough that it can hold a "Secret History". That really surprises me. Yeah, I think Wildstorm could make more of an effort to make the Wildstorm Universe more cohesive, more unified. This could be the example of this, filling in the gaps of the Authority and the wonderful characters in it. I am a pretty big Authority fan, going back to the original series. It is cool and interesting to see the characters fleshed out, especially Jack Hawksmoor.

This first episode has Hawksmoor and the Authority gang trying to stop some weird pagan god. Hawksmoor gets knocked out, and then we get tossed into the wonderful world of flashbacks. We see Hawksmoor in the past, fighting a huge Mech trying to destroy the San Francisco bridge. Typical stuff, yeah. But we get some great examples of how Hawksmoor's powers work. He communicates with cities, and all the things in them. We can talk to anything that is in a city, from dumpsters to floors. It is great and interesting stuff. Normal super-powers can get pretty boring. It is nice and awesome to see someone think about superpowers in a creative and inventive way.

The art, in places, is wonderful. Towards the end, the artwork shines. But there are some places in the middle that just doesn't have the same power. The poses aren't fleshed out, the scenery is boring. But, at the end of the book, there looks like some actual effort had been made. The coloring and the inking pull some major weight. And can I talk a minute about the paper? The paper in the book feels cool. It is grainy, not that shiny, slick mess we are use to. It doesn't make the pages look worse. It might even look better. I wonder if this is going to be a shift for the whole industry. Something to keep an eye on.

As a whole, this is a good book, one I'm going to keep reading. If the Wildstorm Universe keeps producing work like this, it might become a full-fledged universe, as interesting as the Big Two. Cross those fingers.

Writer: Fred Van Lente
Artist: Andrea Di Vito
Publisher: Marvel Comics
Rating: Fifth or Sixth Grade

Another secret history book? How many of these can they pump out? This one is sort of surprising. It isn't needed at all, but it is surprising. Wolverine and Kitty Pryde have been buddies for years. (On a side note, how come no one calls her Shadowcat? I love that name.) Wolverine was the one that taught Kitty how to kung-fu fight, which is supposed to be a pretty big deal. Wolverine: First Class details their first mission together, and shows their growing relationship.

The story isn't complicated. Basic X-men stuff. Some mutant somewhere can't control her powers. Wolverine and Kitty go investigate. They get caught up in some drama, they have to beat up the town's people. You know, the usual mess. Wolverine is wonderfully characterized. He's tough, a loner, and completely comfortable with that. Kitty Pryde is rather boring. I mean, I'm sort of sick about reading young people growing up and learning from the tough guy. How many stories have that? Just gets a little old.

The art isn't helping, either. I like Andrea Di Vito. She did an amazing job with World War Hulk: X-men. It was my favorite part of the World War Hulk story. But these pages just look bland, a bit easy. One page has a picture of the Xavier school and, I swear, a fifth grader could pencil that. No skill or flair what-so-ever. She might have been running on a time crunch or something, but I hope this isn't typical of her work. I know she could do much better.

There is no reason not to read this book. But there isn't a reason to read this book either. It is just standard fare, with nothing really new to the table. But, you know X-men fans. They can be a bit fanatical. So, I mean, printing anything with Wolverine on the cover means a pay day for Marvel.

Writer: Garth Ennis
Art: Howard Chaykin
Color: Brian Reber
Publisher: Marvel Comics
Price: $3.99
Rating: Tenth Grade History Finals.

I'm a big fan of World War I. Not many people talk or write about it, even though it laid down the ground work for World War II. It is a lot like Star Wars, when you think about it. Empire Strikes Back is by far the better film. But A New Hope did a few things right. I mean, the end fight was cool, and Han Solo shooting first was a big deal. Wait. What was I talking about?

War Is Hell is about Fighter Pilots during the first World War. The first page does an excellent job introducing us to how and why planes were introduced into the war, who dared fly them, their capabilities. It was a history lesson, pretty much. I was actually pretty surprised at how interesting it was. This is what Garth Ennis is best at, sneaking in this history, these truths, when you aren't looking or expecting. He did this in Preacher, and it was appreciated.

After that, however, you pretty much get the standard Garth Ennis formula. We get the young, stupid hero that needs to go through a bunch of crap to learn something. We get the British people calling Americans stupid. Hell, we get Americans calling Americans stupid. We get the jerk bosses. We get the extreme airborne deaths. We get a nice decapitation. Oh, and we get a drunk guy being chopped up accidentally by a propeller. Standard stuff for Ennis.

I'm not saying that Garth Ennis is a one-trick pony. Okay, yes I am. But his tricks are pretty cool, right? We still like them, right?

I enjoy Garth Ennis more when he is giving us more history or knowledge than he is storytelling. I prefer it when he just tells me something that I didn't know. We get a lot of that in War is Hell, but maybe not enough. And, this is a constant compliant, but, are Germans really that bad? They are quickly becoming the Klingons of the Garth Ennis Universe. Or are Klingons the Germans for Star Trek? Hmmm?

Anyway, if you like Garth Ennis, pick this up. But don't expect anything new.

Writer: Ron Marz
Artist: Stjepan Sejic
Publisher: Top Cow/Image
Price: $2.99
Rating: Freshman in High School

Ugh. Witchblade. Ugh. What does it do, anyway? I mean, what is it for? What's the point? Handed down from chick to chick and sometimes to a dude, it can do a lot. But, like, why? If I got the Witchblade, the first thing I'd do with it is open my beers without a bottle-opener. That's the only thing I'd ever do. Maybe use it when I have to hold something cold.

Reason is for stories that are supposed to make sense, so Witchblade is excused. New Era! Brand new type of story! Same type of silly crap. Chicks doing sexy stuff, busting out the Witchblade sometimes, blah, blah, blah. Oh, wait, people are being murdered! And the murders have strange religious overtones! And, uh, some dude gets a message by someone shooting an arrow through his window when he's having sex. Didn't this happen in Predator 2? Man, that movie was awesome.

Witchblade has a very strong fan base. Some people just like comics like this. I can't say they are wrong because of it, but I can say there are tons of comics out there that are way, way better. Witchblade could be a better comic. It is just doing the same crap it has done before, or it is doing something someone has already done before. It's just old and a bit boring. I'm not sure how it can improve, or how it can advance. But, I recognize that it isn't improving. Maybe some comics just need to keep doing the same thing. If fans keep buying it, what's the problem? The problem, for me, is that it's not surprising and a bit underwhelming. Sorry to say, this one is for die-hard Witchblade fans.

Writer: Dan Jurgens
Artist: Matthew Clark
Inks: Jesse Delperdang
Publisher: DC...I mean, Tangent Comics
Price: $2.99
Rating: Fifth Grade Basketball Try-outs

Remember Tangent Comics? Yeah, me neither. What was that about anyway? Oh, yeah, back about a billion years ago, DC told their writers to create comic characters based only on the DC powerhouse names. So, the Flash ends up being a woman that, uh, moves fast. And the Joker is a girl dressed up like a court jester. And Super-man was switched to a black dude with a stick. And Green Lantern? Uh, he changed to a woman in green with a, um, you know, green lantern. Yeah, so it was pretty lame. But this is Pre-Final-Crisis-on-Infinite-Countdowns time, so anything is possible! No matter how stupid it is.

Maybe "Stupid" is being too harsh. But, of course, Superman's Reign is doing some things we've seen before. The Tangent Universe is not like we left it. It seems to be ruled by a tyrant. I'll let you guess who. There is a push by some of the heroes to find enough of their own to shift the balance of power. Back in the DC universe, Flash and Green Lantern get sucked into the Tangent universe because of the Tangent Lantern's power. Oh, and the Tangent Atom isn't dead. I know you're just as excited as I am about that.

I doubt anyone cares enough about the Tangent universe to care what happens to it. I mean, it's just boring and silly at this point. Sure, it does tie in easily with the Countdown and Final Crisis mess, [Actually, I don't think it does, but I could be wrong. -Ed.] but other than that, there is nothing new or interesting on the table. I mean, a superhero turns bad and ruins the world? Wow. That is amazing! Breathtaking! Innovative story telling. This is having a hard time impressing me. Almost everything DC is putting out is having a hard time doing that at this point.

Story: Joss Whedon and Brett Matthews
Art: Will Conrad
Colors: Michelle Madsen
Publisher: Dark Horse Comics
Price: $2.99
Rating: Junior High

It's not like I don't like Joss Whedon. I just don't know what all the fuss is about. (Suddenly, Jarvis Slacks hears the screams of a billion fan boys and hears the footsteps of the men sent to kill him.) Whatever. He wrote Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I don't care how good the show is, it's still Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I don't particularly care at all. I know a lot of you out there do. Great. So what.

I've never watched Serenity, either. I just don't watch much television. It just has never been something I was in to. So, I admit early that some of the stuff in Serenity #1 doesn't make sense to me. When you read a comic based on a television show, you have the connection of knowing the characters and the situations. When you don't have that connection, the comic feels a bit underwhelming. That has nothing to do with the writing or art style. The writing and art in this book is really good. I just don't have the excitement or interest of someone who may be a Serenity fan.

The story is pretty basic. Some mean dude has a machine. He sends it after the good guys. The good guys steal it. There is a lot of talk of money in the story, which sort of bothers me. I've always liked the Star Trek future, where no one uses money anymore and people do stuff because they want to. And Joss Whedon is forced to explain certain things through dialogue. When he does this, the dialogue seems extremely forced and over done. The story has a great pacing when there is action involved. The panels are smooth and the story telling is very easy to follow.

For Serenity fans only, I'm afraid. This is only a three part series. If Whedon had more time, I'm sure he could weave a storyline that would be completely engaging to me. Sadly, some television excitement is lost in the comic translation.